Since I have friends & loved ones who are homosexual I collected information on what causes an individual to become gay.
I found that most gay individuals don't think it was a choice they made, they feel they were born gay.
They become aware of homosexual feelings, usually during puberty, just as others become aware of heterosexual desires & attractions.
So to tell someone they chose to be homosexual makes them angry & defensive.
Since the Bible teaches in Romans 1:26,27; 1Cor. 6:9-10; & Leviticus 18:22 that homosexuality is sinful we know that God didn't intend for them to become sexually attracted to their own gender.
So what caused this mix up of emotions?
There are several causes that bring about the emotions. It could be any combination of these factors.
1.Sexual violation or experimenting with those of the same sex
2.Incest or being sexually molested
3.Exposure to pornography
4.Negative image of the body
5.Media influences (TV,magazines,music,movies,stories,plays,news reports,internet)
6.Personality temperament (boy not as masculine or girls who are)
7.Problems in family relations (distant father or domineering mother)
8.Fear of the opposite sex
9.Inability to relate to the opposite sex
10.Negative spiritual influences (Christian hypocrites or domineering rules)
11.Being harassed or labeled by peers as gay
12.Being alienated by peers
13.Being hurt emotionally causing excess concern for self
Homosexuality is grown from a multitude of seeds planted in the mind from childhood to adulthood.
A bend toward homosexuality often begins in childhood.
Children learn security from their mothers touch. A child's stress is relieved by her contact.
Somewhere between 16 months & age 5 the child perceives his own sexual identity & the difference between male & female.
After gender identity is realized gender stability begins to develop.
The little boy or girl will start testing & branching out with their gender roles.
The little boy who has been close to mom may want to reach out to dad because dad is different & interesting.
He is trying to connect with dad to establish what a masculine identity is.
But if the father is distant, disinterested, critical, rejecting, cold or absent, according to the child's perception ; the young boy will feel hurt or rejected.
The child may become narcissistic & preoccupied with self.
If a mom does not affirm the husband's role in the family w/ her actions & words the boy will pick up on this view of men & masculinity may become devalued.
Even though dad tried to be loving & helpful it may not be enough.
It's the child's perception of whether dad accepted him or not that matters.
Even jealousy of other siblings could cause a feeling of rejection.
The child is so concerned about self (narcissism) that his perception of the parent may not be what the parent intended.
During the gender affirmation stage many possible problems could lead to a lack of bonding.
The dad might be absent or working so hard that he is mentally absent.
If the son has opposite interests from dad's they may not connect properly.
In the second stage from 5 years to 12 the child has to deal w/ peers & development.
Peer relationships can be affirming or intimidating.
Many gay men recall painful memories w/ peers during this stage because what the boy has interpreted as his gender identity will carry over to the school grounds & be reinforced by peers.
Verbal taunting may increase his sense of masculine inferiority.
If he isn't good at sports he may turn to solitary pursuits.
His personality temperament will determine how he responds to peers & circumstances.
Whether he takes it personally or just brushes it off & laughs about it.
He may become socially isolated or seek acceptable friends.
Often he may feel lonely because of his excess concern about self.
Even though the parents try to connect, the child may feel active abuse or passive neglect because they do not perceive it as support.
The child often develops a false self.
Before becoming a homosexual they will often be very polite, responsible, clean, neat, sensitive to other people, aware of what others expect of them, and tend to be co-dependent denying their own needs and preferring to make others happy. It is a false role.
That's why when they do claim their gayness they act up & become bad children.
Homosexual behavior is a way of being bad.
During the false self role the boy is not homosexual yet, they are showing tendencies to become homosexual. The "good little boy" phase is an alienation from his developing male body.
They are disconnecting from their bodies.
As a result there is excessive shyness & modesty, trying to cover the body up because he doesn't feel naturally connected with his body.
The third stage is from 12 to young adult.
Since puberty hits during the early teens strong sexual attractions come surging forward.
Since he may have disconnected from father, friends, & his male sexuality by this time ,his own masculinity is a mystery.
The world of manhood is alien , foreign.
So rather than finding females intriguing, they feel mystery & intrigue is with those of their own sex.
The confusion of sexuality; the bombardment of gay messages in education & media; & the junior high emotional years; make most teens feel they must quickly make up their mind as to who they really are.
In reality they have years to decide.
They are sensitive to criticism & overly aware of the emotions of others.
The teen boy wanting privacy may retreat from his family & be moody or stop communicating.
Often the homosexual behavior that almost all boys experiment with is just an attempt to become familiar with their own body through the use of other male bodies.
Often they just want to get closer & connected.
It doesn't become a sexual thing until 12 or 13 years of age.
Most teen boys don't want to be gay even though it is becoming socially acceptable.
Most keep their confused desires to themselves, hoping this is a passing phase.
When their confused feelings are not explained to them, they try dating the opposite sex, or praying for the feelings to go away.
The feelings do not go away because God created us to have sexual desire.
Since the desires are still there they conclude "I must be gay" and with an even lower self-esteem they forge ahead into a future trying to accept that they must be gay after all.
The last step is the independence of college or workforce.
Leaving the constraints of home, high school & church the young person finds a gay community eager to accept them.
Gay clubs, gay bars, gay gyms, gay beaches, the internet, gay channels on satellite, even gay churches.
The gay person finds multitudes of opportunities to seek out relationships w/ other confused or confirmed homosexuals.
Some choose to come out secretly others come out openly.
Change is always possible, but never easy.
Disengaging from the gay lifestyle is usually not a miraculous instantaneous event, but a process of painstaking emotional & spiritual work.
Often the emotional feelings for the opposite sex have been blocked by some past experience.
God has placed the capacity for heterosexual feelings in the heart of everyone, but how to unlock those feelings takes God's help, hard work, & opening up to a qualified counselor.
You didn't become homosexual over night & it will take time & effort to reprogram your thinking.
God understands what it takes for each person to forsake homosexual preferences.
Working through underlying relational problems or abuse are essential to finding healing.
Learning to replace destructive behaviors w/ wise choices is a day by day & sometimes moment by moment job.
There is a difference between having sexual temptations & allowing those temptations to develop into lust.
We must master our thoughts by surrendering them to God asking Him to deliver us, & renew our mind from the inside out.
Believe it or not there are thousands of ex-gay individuals who have fought the battle you will fight.
The Christian response to homosexuality is to love & understand,& pray for them.
This is difficult because we see homosexuality as an enemy & a sin that should be opposed.
But if you have a friend or loved one who is gay, you should love this person with all your heart even though you do not approve of their lifestyle.
Jesus told us to love one another. Opposition will never win someone to Christ.
Pray for your gay loved one. Love them. Tell them the truth about their sin. Trust God to deal w/ their heart & draw them to Himself.
